A dark tale that shows its never too late for redemption. Even for a wayward vagabond like Calvin.
Written by Gregory Patrick Travers
I stabbed him. I don’t know if he’s dead, but I know I stabbed him pretty damn good. I felt the pressure release as the tip of the blade punctured his skin…then it sunk right in there. I hope he’s not dead…someone has to tell these cops that they shot the wrong guy. I’m the hero, here.
That punk Officer Needs has been dying to pull the trigger on me since he got on this beat. He finally did it, that little shit-fuck. Coming around the downtown east side like fucking RoboCop, gettin’ in everyone’s business–who the fuck does he think he is? I saved that little girl. Fuckin’ prick…fresh out of the academy, prick. I swear to Christ I saw him smile when he did it too. Like he was proud of himself. I saved that little girl. Lars, that sick, child-molesting fuck was headed straight for her. What was that woman doing bringing her little kid around these parts of town anyway? People shooting up, smoking crack, selling themselves…Who am I kidding? That little girl has probably spent her life watching that kind of stuff, what, with a mom like that, scoring dope with her little kid…
Fuck. I’m bleeding pretty bad here. I’m wrapped tighter than one of those fucking Egyptian mummies and still I’m bleeding. I didn’t even know I had this much blood. I real nice sight I am, aren’t I? Good thing you aren’t alive to see this, ma. You never did like when I came home with cuts and bruises from sports…mainly fights. I could really use your nursing skills right about now, ma. No foolin’.
It’s okay. Three more blocks and I’ll be at Winky’s. He’ll stitch me up. He’ll fix me. His set up ain’t nuthin’ like the hospital…but Winky ain’t ask no questions. Things are going to be okay. They are. Just get to Winky’s.
I really got myself in a bind here, didn’t I? I guess I’m gonna have to hop a boxcar out of the city and keep movin’. That’s okay, ain’t nuthin’ keepin’ me here anyway. I’ll just start over. I’ll start fresh. Yeah, ma–again. Last time I saw you alive you said I needed to stop drifting, that I needed to live for something. Maybe after Winky gets me back to normal, I’ll move somewhere far. Move somewhere peaceful. Maybe get a job on a farm, really get back to the roots of human nature. That would be living. No laws, no class…No Officer Needs. Maybe I’ll meet a girl out there too. A real nice girl, pretty and soft-spoken…but funny too. Not so plain and boring. Heck, maybe plain and boring wouldn’t be so bad.
I wonder what that little girl will grow up to be? She has a chance now. Lars, that fuck, he would have fucked that little girl and then he woulda killed her. From the first time I saw him in the shelter, I knew he was bad news. His eyes are what scare me the most about him, always did. There’s no soul behind them. No light.
I take back what I said about wanting him to be alive. I don’t care if I go to jail, I hope I killed him. I’m glad he’s fucking dead, the world is better for it. I don’t mind what they say about me, what they do to me. My whole life people been throwin’ dirt on me. It ain’t hurt like it used to.
This bullet, though. This hurts. Only two more blocks and I’m there…but every step is like being scalded with hot coffee. Worse even. Maybe I’ll just sit down on this curb and rest for a minute. I need to take the pressure off….Gee, the night sure is quiet tonight. No more sirens, I guess they forgot about me. Heh, just like everyone else in my life. Ah, who can blame ’em. I ain’t never been no good for nobody.
There’s a funny taste in my mouth. Tastes like metal. I have to remind myself to ask Winky about this. I should get back on my way, this bed sheet is soaked in blood. Come on, get up…
Please, get up. Please….Not like this. I can’t go like this! For fuck sake, I saved that little girl! I can’t die here on this street corner alone! Please, I haven’t done enough! I can do better just…just give me one more chance. Please, get up!
No. This is it. Is it going to be okay, ma? Does it hurt much when it happens? You would have been so proud of me, ma. I saved that little girl tonight. I saved her…